That annoying, little voice...

No offence, but.. You know that annoying little voice that you hear in the back of your head? You know the one. It's the one that is constantly trying to suck up to you. To appeal to your good nature. Well, that annoying little voice to me, is a real human being, who I shall kindly refer to as, "Stalker Chick".

I realize that I haven't actually introduced myself, and you're going to have to forgive me for this. But I believe that we have to just butter this muffin and dive straight into the deep, moist, excruciatingly hot crevice that is my first rant.

So let me give you some background on Stalker Chick. I met this individual on the first day of university orientation. I thought to myself that day "Hmm, I have no friends. That retard over there has no friends. Maybe we can be friends!". And just a warning to all of those reading this blog, I do this frequently. If there is any freak within a ten mile radius, you can bet I'm going to try and talk to them. Or they're going to try and talk to me. And then they'll appear on this blog for all of you to see and to judge.

As I was saying.. This chick, from then on, decided that we were meant to be together.. She followed me everywhere, and as luck would have it, we were doing the same course. But it wasn't the following me around that drove me insane. It was the fact she is always trying to touch me. And I do not like to be touched. I find any kind of physical contact to be highly inappropriate, especially when the contact is adjacent to my skin.

I dropped part of my course last semester. I was doing a double degree, and decided that I wanted to pursue only one of said degrees (the one where you're actually required to think). When I dropped this degree, it meant that I had no more subjects with that stalking waste-of-space. I was free from her for a few months. She didn't see me around campus. She never text me. She never e-mailed me.

It was like that feeling you get when you prove someone wrong. Three times in a row. Heaven.

Now she's decided that we're best friends again. And I have told her on countless occasions that I don't like her. In fact, it's the only time she thinks I'm being sarcastic, when it's truly the only time when I'm -not- being sarcastic.

So you know what, Stalker Chick?

No offence, but I don't like you touching me.

No offence, but I don't like the fact that you think I'm your friend.

No offence, but I don't even think I like the way you breathe.

So no offence, but I want you to take offence. Because I. Don't. Like. You. And I know for certain that I never will.

This concludes the first of what I believe to be many rants to come. Thank you for coming, Thank you for reading. Thank you for judging. Please feel free to post your questions, your comments, your insults or even your own rants to our blog.

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