Sunday 23 October 2011

Nothing is Fair in Love and War

Hello again fans. Welcome to yet another rant by HowlingFetus.

Todays topic is a follow up on YourCaptainSpeaking's last post about the Friend Zone. It got me to thinking that although that situation is common and we can all relate to it, there are other forms of frustration in the love and romance department. I plan on touching on one in particular that has caused me a great deal of heart break and sadness. Something that effected me so greatly that even today, I still have the same thoughts and feelings as I did when it happened. I still cry myself to sleep some nights. I still wake up in the middle of the night, my cheeks crusted from the salt of evaporated tears. You may have now realised that this post will not be in following of my normally humorous rants, but please, give it a chance. This comes from the heart and is not easy for me to talk about .

What I am obviously speaking of, is Love. Not just the love between a regular boyfriend and girlfriend, but something far stronger. Something has persisted for years after not seeing this person. I'm going to call her Binky for the purpose of the blog since we dont use real names here.

So let me start from the beginning. 6 years ago, I met her in class at high school. We were both young, and as young people often do, we became friends just by effect of proximity. It was only a few weeks before I started to "like" her and I made no attempt to keep it a secret. In fact I believe the first thing I did the next day was ask her out which was followed up by a shattering NO.

Fine, I can deal with that. Everyone is rejected once or twice. Well over the years following, I continued to be enamoured by her. Unfortunately, that little crush didnt stay a little crush. It became something more and over time, I fell in love with her. Binky of course had no feelings for me in return but took some form of joy in toying with me. Things arnt easy for a lesbian at high school but they are even harder when you fall in love with a person who treats you like the latest accessory.

Well more time passed and no the two of us have not spoken in nearly 2 years. Most of the time people would think "Well good riddance! I can get on with my life!"...
Not me. I cant let go. I still love her and am afraid I always will. The internal conflict of hating myself for loving her and loving myself for staying strong is almost as bad as the feeling of lonelyness that comes whenever I hear her name or see her face.

It has become a curse that I cant escape no matter what I do, but at least I know I am not alone. I know there are others out there in that exact same situation and this post is for you as much as it is for me.

Love is shit, Love sucks and Love is a waste of time and yet still I hold out hope that I will find my special someone who will love me back. I'm ready to inflict that curse, if only to know the satisfaction that I have taken some form of revenge on life.

Well, thank you for reading. If you have any comments or suggestions on how to make the blog better, leave a comment or use the shout box.
Fuck it.

2 comments:

  1. *repeats the word "no" like a deranged mental patient while pacing up and down the proverbial hospital ward - why not, while wearing a pasta pot on my head*

    Love isn't sh!t, love doesn't suck and love CERTAINLY isn't a waste of time!!!

    I'll say it - I love passionately and wholeheartedly (and to my own frustration, not everyone sees that beneath the part of me that... Well... Is cool and logical! :P) - but despite the hurt that I've experienced with women who simply didn't feel what I felt, I can't blame love itself... not that I'd really want to anyway...

    My point: perhaps it's better to call the target of your love (who has taken your feelings and used them to hurt you) sh!t, sucky and a waste of time - better that than letting the person let you feel that something as powerful as love is worthless... :)

    *said by someone who has "been there" :O*

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  2. You know, you have a point there man, but I just cant blame her. I try, trust me. I try SO hard but it doesnt work =P I dont want to feel that love is worthless because in all reality, I love love. I love romance and all that shit XD But hey maybe one day i will work up the strength to take your advice.

    Untill then, you should know that both me and the Captain love you for being the first AND second person to comment on our blog! You hold a special place in our hearts and should most definetly not get the fuck out.

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